Just As You Are

Amsterdam, Holland 086 - City - A cup of coffee in the early morning

“What is wrong with me?!”

Have you ever found yourself asking that question?

We often struggle from rejection by assuming the problem lies in our behavior, appearance, sexual appeal, personality or other qualities. We think, “The reason I am hurting and where I am today is my fault.”

This is where a little rational emotive therapy may come in good use.  We basically ask, is this statement rational or logical?  For example:

  • Is it the fault of the child who was abandoned by its parents?
  • Is there something wrong with the girl who never received a hug?

Those seem easy, right?  It is certainly not the fault of the children. But those who were abandoned in their youth may not see these questions easily answered.

Or what about the woman whose husband chooses pornography over intimacy with his wife?

Is there something wrong with the wife?  Those of us who have a good friend in this situation may quickly speak up and say something like-“Heck, no!”  She is a knock out.  That guy is completely off his rocker.”

But, guess what.  That is often not what the wife thinks or feels.  Some of her biggest struggles now lie in her self-worth and self-image.

And after work toward accepting that some thoughts are not rational, there remains an additional lingering question that cuts to the heart of the issue.

Who will love me for who I am?

I want to encourage you to check out JJ Heller and her song, “What Love Really Means” in reference to this question.

Sometimes, the right music can be the best therapy.


~Author: Stacy Farris, MS, LPCA, NCC with permission to post on Miller Counseling Services, PC.

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