The strengths and needs of the three people involved influences the dynamics of the incident.
When your guy looks at another woman, consider the following as you attempt to make sense out of this situation:
- New relationship? Continue to observe his level of interest in you as without assuming he is looking for someone new.
- Committed relationship? Perhaps there is a history of trust or mistrust. Explore reasons for any negative response based on past betrayal or rejection. If you are in a committed relationship, consider expressing these fears to him with vulnerability or seeking couples counseling.
- Perhaps you are struggling with low self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy due to cultural expectations of body image or failed attempts to diet. Take time to reflect on your ability to use healthy self-acceptance and validation.
- Allow the incident to help you be more proactive in meeting his legitimate needs for physical affection, sexual intimacy and adventure?
- Remember women also admire attractive women.
That Other Woman
- Some women send out the “I’m available” vibes everywhere they go. While we cannot control where our men look, we can ask them to be discrete.
- Ask yourself if he would be satisfied with that other woman in reality. Or better yet, would she put up with his “stuff” like you do?—Ha!
His Strengths & Needs
- He may only be aroused by one of the five senses –sight. That leaves the other 4 senses (sound, smell, touch & taste) available for an in-the-moment intervention. Consider leaning in for a kiss, holding his hand, or whispering in his ear and allow him to smell your perfume.
- We cannot assume to know what he is thinking. Perhaps it is as innocent as, “She probably gives it away a lot” or “My wife would look great in that dress.”
- Men want to be trusted and respected by their women.
- If your man is watching pornography consider the negative effects of the fantasy world on creating expectations for him and you about unrealistic sexual performance. Before we are disillusioned, we have an illusion.
- If your man is caught up in the secret world of sex addiction and shame, it may be time to speak the truth in love about seeking counseling services.
Beth Holloway, MA, LPCA is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate and has more than 12 years’ experience in the mental health field. She has recently joined the Miller Counseling Services team and specializes in counseling individuals and couples who have experienced all types of losses including abuse, domestic strife, and trauma. She enjoys leading group therapy classes in the areas of Divorce Recovery, Spiritual Enrichment, Couples and Parent/Child Relationships, Grief Processing and Depression Recovery. Beth has had the privilege of traveling all over the United States and to more than 10 foreign countries and has been enriched by learning about people from diverse cultures and ethnic groups.